This is potentially one of the most important threads on this site, or indeed any site, and I'm amazed we haven't come to grips with the issue sooner... Nobby Watch, just what the fuck is he up to?
As you may have already read in a previous post, there was a potential sighting of Nobby, running crazed and deranged, naked into a cow field. But news has just reached me from an independent source that there's been another sighting of Nobby, almost 300 miles away on the same night, dressed as a giant chicken, holding an infant hostage, and screaming at a local kebab vendor in a lay-by just past junction 26 of the M27.
I can't offer a reward, but I can try to compel you to add any of your own Nobby sightings here in this forum, together we can win! Just remember, many fingers makes more bread.

ok

What's the vitriol towards nobby about?

Vitriol? I have no idea who he is. That doesn't stop people contacting me day and night with more and more outlandish sightings of the bastard. Take this for example, last Wednesday I'm asleep on my wooden pallet when life suddenly erupts from my cb radio, I was annoyed because I was knackered, and also drunk and high, and with toothache and terrible heart burn. And swollen feet. Despite all this I took the radio and demanded a handle. Apparently I was talking to slimsexyblueeyedblond, but in actual fact she sounded more like a 40 year old Scottish dockworker. " Eh yous ya cunt! Ahm hearin' ye want info oan this fuckin Nobby cunt eh? Well huv ah got noos fer you then ye soft southern shite! "
We spoke for 20 minutes and she laid this story on me... Slimsexyblueeyedblond, or Angus as I'll call her from now on, had saved enough money up from selling cans she found in the bins along Glasgow's high street, and nipped into her local massage parlor to have her cuticles spruced up ( I didn't ask questions ). What happened next, in my mind at least, is a page out of pure Nobby 101. Angus lays her hands in front of her, only to have them gripped by what she describes as " fucken huge hairy gorilla mits ya cunt. " Naturally this startled her, but Nobby grabbed her hands harder and demanded they go into the back room for oral sex. Angus was up for none of this and as she explained " Ah fucken Properly beat the fucken pish oot ay the wide cunt! Ah tried ta find masel an axe ta have at tha cunts head right? but when ah goat back, tha fucking wank stain hud up an left. "
It's hard to authenticate this as a legitimate Nobby sighting, but it damned sure smells like something he'd be into, so for that reason alone it deserves a place on this forum as official Nobby sighting number 2.

So is he kind of like a golem creature?

Do not! Fuck up my Nobby thread. Contribute, or fuck off, whoever the fuck you are. This shit is too important for a goddamned noob.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9u_ZBXEwV0

good song this, have a listen.

Lmfao

_________________

If any of you were worried that this thread might run out of steam then fear not. Sightings are coming in thick and fast. Take this for example, I woke up this morning outside on the pavement with a note stapled to my head. This is what it said... ( if you're sensitive, queer or in any way a mincing emo faggot, you may not want to continue reading.)

Fucking hello.

My name is Dr Helmut Mundt. It has come to our attention that you are on the look out for my former patient, Nobby. I am fortunate enough to be one of only seven thousand and eighty six people to have experimented on Nobby, and with your help we want to get that motherfucker back where he belongs, strapped securely in his bunker 8 miles into the earths crust.
This won't be easy, our own attempts to apprehend him have all ended in futility. My colleague and Doctor of the criminally insane and the spaz fucked, Putt Sethman (CISF), nearly met his end last year, when a trap we'd set up in his bedroom failed to contain Nobby and he ended up tearing his goddamned head off. Luckily I was onsite and we manged to save my friend, but then Nobby some how became elastic and escaped through a gap in the floor boards. The last we saw of him he was running into the distance, cackling like a loon and swearing revenge on humanity.
If you need any help or resources in the apprehension of Nobby, do not come to us, we will strenuously object that we know you, and then shoot you dead and feed your disgusting carcass to our bubonic plague rats.
That's it in a nut shell, we have every confidence that you can capture Nobby. It takes one to know one after all.

ok.

With this ringing endorsement I present to the forum, Nobby watch 3. The revenge.

Hello.

This might be the last post on Nobby watch for a while, basically I couldn't handle the pressure and went into full nervous collapse.
When I started the thread I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and the final straw came 2 days ago when I was chased across the market place by no fewer than 16,000 devout Nobby worshipers hungry for a taste of my brains. It was pure luck I managed to escape, what happened, in a nut, was I was running full pelt away from these crazed Nobbyists when I fell over my own feet and rolled 50 foot down a steep embankment into the furious rapids of the river Trent. I tried to keep my wits about me and flailed around in the water for something that would keep me buoyant, but when nothing came to hand I slipped off my rubber trousers, tied a knot in each end and inflated them. They carried me across 2 county's and into relative safety.
I need time to formulate a new plan, but also to stock pile weapons. I know now that a nail gun and a cocktail umbrella are useless against such overwhelming odds. I need landmines, flame throwers, vodka, and something to eat... Maybe a kit kat, I'll let you know.
The only other thing I can add, is that if you have spotted Nobby, for fucks sake don't go near him, and don't contact me either. Carry a crossbow with you at all times and aim for the groin. Head shots will not stop him, hell, he enjoys it.

ok.

I thought the Nobby watch thread was a goner, but it's back, and this time I have a hostage.

I was in my local Tescos supermarket this morning, sat in one of isles and reading the daily telegraph cover to cover, when I heard female laughter, followed by a sigh, and then the words "oh Nobby."
I was up like a hyena that had just been jabbed in the balls with a cattle prod, he wasn't getting away from me, not this time...
Any carefully laid plans I may have had went right out the window, and instinct took over. I ran towards him screaming a high pitched emanation from the soul and getting ready to deliver a running Hungarian chop to the side of his head. I saw a look in his eyes. The look was terror, and possibly confusion, also a dash of disappointment, and oddly enough a slight twinge of excitement. WHAMMO! I got the fucker full moo above the right ear and he collapsed in a crumpled heap at my feet. At this point the woman was hysterical ( typical eh) so I stuck my nut in her face, got a few good kicks in and left her groaning on the floor. I scooped Nobby up and put him over my shoulder, and felt every vertebrae slip out of my back, so I put him back down and simply dragged him by the face back to my house, where I've got him taped to a chair in the coal cellar.
He's regained consciousness at this point, and he's insisting his name is Ian Nolan, but I don't have time for his mind games. Just as soon as the chiropractor's been round to put me back together I'm going to get down in that hole with the bastard and hammer nails into his head until he becomes a gibbering vegetable. Then I might watch Strike force and get a kebab. Dunno yet, the day is still young.

ok.